Soon Elizabeth will be looking at her next birthday and every year it sets me thinking! About what? Read on..

She will be looking at birthday #26! Wow, hard to believe.

I know her birthday is a few months off but as I have been organizing some things for a vacation, thinking about some tests Michael is taking in May, I couldn’t help but raise my eyes to the month of June.

And that leads me to thinking about her birthday.

And THAT leads me to thinking about her year and how her world has changed as well as how she has grown.

And that is the thing…

The question of how she has grown.  I have been doing that same line of thinking for FOREVER!  From the time she said a word, to the first whole sentence, to her trying to swim, to her swimming. And on and on.

It is the marker of time passing that sets off this “year in review” for me.  I don’t think about doing it, it just happens, and I believe that is the result of both how God made me and the IEP process that takes place in the spring of each year she was in school. 

The IEP process required me to literally look at the goals set in the previous fall and see just what was accomplished in the following Spring.  As my eyes would go from goal to goal, I would be forced to see if the year was a success, in terms of goals, or not.    This “side by side” thinking would then spill over to all parts of Elizabeth’s life as I mentally looked at her language at home, life skills she was learning at home, how she handled tough situations and on and on.

And now, after all the school year IEP processes are not part of our life, I am still conditioned to see and smell the beauty of spring and then do the “year in review”

I know at 25 and soon to be 26 that her life has taken on the rhythm of, well, just life!  Working and friends and cooking and….life  But there is always and will always be a part of me that knows she is continuing to grow.

Both as an adult and as a worker. 

There are things she continues to learn about life, work, bills etc. and there are skills she grows to make her more employable.

I also think that when you have a child with special needs, the journey to adulthood is 100% unique to you and your child.  What I see other young adults doing may or may not yet be what Elizabeth can do or ever will do or really ever will WANT to do.   

I think it is so important to see, in all of this, what your child truly likes and wants to do and who they are. Just because someone else is interested in gymnastics or a musical instruments and they are succeeding doesn’t mean that is the fit for your child.  And this is where knowing who your child is is SO important.

So with all this said,  The review will begin. 

I am proud of all she has done, learned and accomplished and the journey continues.

I wish everyone a good month,

Michele Gianetti

In an update to last week’s blog, I was able to create a list of people who can be part of Elizabeth’s world when we are headed to a game for Michael…in the words of my dear friend, Lynne….WOO-HOO!

So something that has been on my mind a great deal lately and I think it is due to the fact that we are into year 2 of the pandemic, is how well are our goals are set for Elizabeth?

Meaning the very goals that we set up a few months ago may need adjusted, or changed completely.

Do they meet her needs?

And what do we do moving forward into our second spring and summer?

Do we stay the same?

Do we add things ( as safely as we can) or

Do we enjoy the successes and just continue with the them in the same manner?

Hard to say actually as there are days that I think we flow through the day without challenging her. We walk, talk and do life but no real gains have been made. And I have to ask myself if that is okay. I know I am hard on myself so I need to work on that so I am trying to remind myself that doing a day well is an okay thing. Sometimes more than an okay thing given the world we live in currently. Sometimes we are supposed to cook together but find that she is painting more that day and cooking goes by the wayside. The same for the goal of doing her budget or something else

Is that okay?

I am learning to see that it is.

I am trying to see it as life and not as time not made productive.

I think that so many of us are working toward goals for our children that may be the same ones we had a while ago and are still achieving them. Or we have goals that may have been too big for right now, so we are accomplishing them in smaller steps. I think any step in the progressing of a goal is a good thing. So I need to step back and look at the big picture and be okay!

I guess I am trying to see just where we go from here.

Elizabeth and I sat down today to read a bit, review for her volunteering tomorrow and to write her schedule. As she began these tasks I got our small chalk board and asked her to update the goals on it. We erased the old ones and she told me her new goals. Which included help with learning how to ask “more questions when I am talking to someone” This last goal was a really great one because it is a challenge for her to know what to ask next when she is talking to someone about a topic. Her global dyspraxia makes this difficult. So I told her I really loved this one!

I work best when I have an outline of what we are to be doing or what we want to do together for her goals. So seeing this one made me really proud and happy for her.

I remember talking to a friend a long while ago and she asked me how I did all the things I did with Elizabeth and my response was that I can do anything anyone(therapists/educators) tells me to do for her but I do not always know what comes next.

I think that holds true still. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t

So with all that being said, I think step one is to take a good look at how things are going, breath and keep talking to Elizabeth.

Step two is to know that any progress and work is called success.

And the last step and this is for me as much as for anyone who needs to hear it is to know that our hearts are in the right place so leading with it can only make for good.

My musings are for those who feel the same way I do…just wondering what do we do next?

I wish everyone a peaceful week and please keep wearing your masks.

Michele Gianetti author of Elizabeth Believes in Herself