Elizabeth, next time we go to your Uncle’s house, you can’t ask him when you can leave. It isn’t good manners.

Elizabeth, when you are in church next time, remember that you shouldn’t ask what is for lunch after church in a loud voice

Ok, those are just 2 excerpts from probably 5 million teaching moments we have had with and for Elizabeth in her life.

We are continually teaching and growing skills. Due to her special needs, things need to be repeated and worked on many times before they are completely learned and integrated well.

I am sure you have all heard me say that we are all a work in progress. So there is absolutely nothing wrong with learning and growing. I know I still do and I am…well never mind, how old I am. Suffice it to say that we are all growing.

The thing about some of the teachable moments is that I would refer to “the next time” which is all well and good and really true. But the carry over would not be an option again for a while. Meaning I can tell her this or that for “next time” but by the time “next time” arrives the instructions fade from everyone’s thoughts.

Which brings us back to the same spot we were at before.

Now with summer and all the plans that go on. Parties, chance meetings of neighbors on a walk, time at the pool. It might be a good idea to start to talk about expectations.

Expectations, in my opinion, are the things that your would like to see happen each time. And along with what we expect. The expectations go both ways. Meaning we would tell Elizabeth, that after this or that happens, you can do ____________

This helps Elizabeth work with the knowledge that she will have her choice after certain things are accomplished.

Example: Elizabeth we are headed to the neighbors to drop off something. Our expectation is that you will please greet the neighbor, talk a bit and let us give them their plate. After we do that, you are able to make the choice to stay more or go home .

Shared expectations!

We do this now with Elizabeth for things we know are coming such as an appointment or meeting and with things that are run of the mill but still require teaching. Because after all, with our children with special needs, being tired, hungry, overwhelmed or sad can make doing these run of the mill things hard.

I offer this out, because summer allows more freedom to introduce this and work with it.

I know the journey is never straight for our kids but I wanted to share one that may help avoid some of the same talks again and again. It helped us.

I hope someone out there can use this now.

I wish everyone a peaceful week.

Michele Gianetti author of Elizabeth Believes In Herself