How many times are we asked this?

How many times do WE ask this?

The answer is a lot, a whole lot.

And the truth is the holidays are something that, for those of us who have special needs in our lives, are not always easily prepared for. We can’t count on how our beautiful children/young adults will feel or act as the holidays come closer. And then after all the build up, the actual day might be THE thing that pushes them to the limit of their coping and then we can see the overload.

I know in our world, historically speaking, Elizabeth would talk about the holiday, that it was coming, how excited she was all in the lead up to the day. And then the day would arrive and she was done. Overwhelmed, tired, and disorganized.

So over the years we have learned how to help Elizabeth deal better with the lead up to the day. How to help her stay organized and less overwhelmed. And the thing is, sometimes it is just how SHE feels about the changes the holidays bring that create the sense of being overwhelmed and not actually any real pressure. So it is a challenge to address this issue well.

So how about I share some tips to help you help your child/young adult prepare for the holidays.

-Plan But Don’t Overplan: There is a sweet spot to this. Doing something spontaneously means they don’t have time to plan for the event but overscheduling means they may become overloaded. Everyone knows what your child/young adult wants and likes to do and what makes them nervous. I like to encourage Elizabeth to try new things but then we usually allow a break in the action and some down time to help her regroup. We have learned the importance of balance.

–Say No to Some Things and Don’t Look Back: Honestly, it could be a chocolate fountain ten feet high and if it was after a big event or if it was just too much for Elizabeth, I would decline the invitation. And I would not think twice because we are doing the best for Elizabeth. And that is what matters. Now would I make sure other family members could go if they wanted to, yes, of course.

-Talk through What to Expect: Yes, Elizabeth there will be lots of people over, Yes, There will be salad for you to eat. I offer to really try to communicate with your child/young adult, just what is happening. The who, what, where, when and why…. So that they are prepared and not surprised. AND so that you can create your plan B if needed.

Be Okay if You Have to Use Your Plan B– Don’t feel bad if, even with all your best laid plans, the day gets stressful and your child is looking the part. Try to remember that if we would all raise our hands and say yes if asked “Are you feeling stressed?” So just do what you need to do and don’t let it make your heart hurt.

I hope that we can all see the holidays as less stressful, even though we are all probably feeling that little bit of emotional ramp up right now. Something that helps me, when I see her struggle with the holidays and just WISH it could be easy for her, is to think about the good things she has done or accomplished this year. And NOT this small moment in time.

I wish everyone a peaceful week,

Michele Gianetti, author of Eizabeth Believes in Herself