In our school system, the first day of school is on Monday. Which means that this weekend takes on a whole new meaning when Monday is THE BIG FIRST DAY!

I know for Michael he will be a bit nervous for his first day, as is normal. But my guess is that he will be approaching it differently due to his age, the fact that he has friends in all his classes and that he has been running with the Cross-Country team all summer all make the first day less emotional. It is like he has been with the school most of the summer.

Now, flash back with me to when Elizabeth was headed back to school. At any age or any year.

Before we head down this riveting story, for those who don’t already know, Elizabeth is my beautiful 25-year-old daughter with special needs. She has SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder) and Global Dyspraxia. These disorders affect her life each and every day.

So back to the story,

This weekend, the one RIGHT before the start of school, would be the toughest one for Elizabeth. There would typically be a hyperfocus on the change that is coming. She would be anxious, and that anxiety would grow until she was so nervous inside that ANY challenge to her would elicit an irritated response. When she would be asked to do anything, it was like her brain had no space left to figure out how to do it, because it was all being used up in thinking about the new start coming her way.

Now, keep in mind, at this point we had already done the check list that included

Visiting the school

Talking to the new teachers/Intervention specialists

Sending info about Elizabeth, her summer etc (Our Introduction letter)

We made schedules for Elizabeth to know what was coming first, next, last in her morning.

Truly we had done it all.

And then it gets to the point that the ONLY thing that will actually help the anxiety about the upcoming change is to GET there.

I used to say this “I can’t wait for the first day of school to start FOR Elizabeth” I would say this NOT because I wanted school to actually start as I love my kids home, but for her the START of school would END the mass of feelings she had.

And it was the truth because of all the groundwork we laid, and the truth is for our beautiful children with special needs, we have to do this kind of groundwork for them. But the truth is she would come home exhausted from all the days of stress, content because it really was ok.

I offer this story out to those families who may be in this exact space with their child today. Just know that sometimes no more words, plans or charts can make it better.

Sometimes they just need to get there. Maybe this helped someone somewhere today.

I wish everyone a peaceful week,

Michele Gianetti author of Elizabeth Believes in Herself

With the impending school year, I can almost feel the anxiety we would have as Elizabeth got ready for a new school year, another teacher and hopefully another year to be “understood”

Each year in the Fall, I would write a letter to the school telling them everything that she had done, learned or struggled with in the summer. I told them all about the things she liked, didn’t like and anything new that I thought would help everyone see the complete picture of who Elizabeth was.

NOT who she is related to the label of her disorders.

But who she IS!

The sum of all the parts. The sum of all the things that make her, well, Elizabeth!

In addition to this anxiety, was the strong feeling I had of a big marker of time happening. I mean you cannot deny the passing/marking of time when you are faced with a new school year that has the numerical year after it. Such as when the school send letters home welcoming you “to the new school year for 2022-2023”

Yes, it certainly marks time. And for me, it was just this marker that got my head thinking about all the things that maybe we still needed to work on, or maybe the things I wished she could do that others her age did without any issue. Or what should our new goals be for the year to address all these things.

I guess for me the ending of summer and the beginning of a new year was quite the emotional journey. I know that with Elizabeth’s disorders it was so critical to have the year start off the best it could, to keep her anxiety down and all for others to be able to work well with her. Her disorder of SPD ( Sensory Processing Disorder) and Global Dyspraxia are tricky and can sometimes be big players in her day and other time not so much. So it absolutely a necessity for those with her and working with her understand her well.

Flash to 2022, and Elizabeth is 25 years old. Way past the time that this time of year should elicit the same feelings as when she was younger. And in many ways that is indeed true. But in other ways you would be surprised that they are still there.

I think it is because we as parents of these beautiful young people become conditioned quickly to do things a certain way for them, to be their advocate. This role is one that changes and adjusts over time but the role sticks with us, I think forever.

I can say that it is for me.

I mean I was driving with Elizabeth today to get coffee and we were talking.

About what, you may ask?

What her goals are for this next year! What she wants to work on, what she wants to keep in her day and what she wants to let go of.

We talked about her jobs and if she wants to work more (if that is possible) or the same.

And how she can keep being more independent.

Yes! You hear it too, don’t you? We are pretty much doing the same thing we did when she was younger only now she is older, in on the decisions and plans and we can control more variables but STILL, it is pretty much in the same planning family.

I liked hearing what she had to say, and I like making these plans because they are HERS not just what we, her parents, think is best.

So, for those who may have a lot of feelings at the start of the year, remember we all need supports. And we all need to adjust and reassess things.

Our beautiful children with special needs are no different. And we are all a work in progress in this thing called life.

I wish everyone a peaceful week,

Michele Gianetti author of Elizabeth Believes In Herself