Don’t fear the holiday break!

At least not too much- Haha, a bit of holiday humor tossed in here.

I think one of the simultaneously best and unnerving parts of the holiday is the time when you know that everyone will be off and everyone will be off their schedules. Be it your child with special needs or your neurotypical children, such as say your high school senior who “cannot wait until break and I can sleep late everyday!”

Yep, off the schedule. And let’s face it you simply CANNOT make everyone listen and follow schedules. You can merely guide them. But for our special needs children, well, they need a bit more attention. For many reasons but the main one is that by keeping their schedule and systems as organized as possible, they will enjoy the holiday fun as best they can and so will you and your family.

And as much fun as it can be to have everyone know that for us, a bit of planning for this week was very helpful to make it as fun and calm for Elizabeth who is our daughter who has special needs.  She has SPD or Sensory Processing Disorder and Dyspraxia.

Here are some of the things we did and do to for Elizabeth. Hope they help.

KEEP SENSORY INPUT IN THE RANGE THEY CAN HANDLE

  It is hard to maintain it with a vacation week but it is so very helpful to try your best.

If your child typically needs a break mid afternoon, maybe try your best to allow for that time for him or her.  Or if your child usually has some quiet music time in the morning, try your best to make sure that your day’s schedule will incorporate this. Do the best you can to keep in mind how much they can handle and when they are at the best typically and when they are usually needing a break.

When you are planning your week, allowing for and adjusting for these sensory needs helps your child enjoy the week as best as they can!

SCHEDULE

Make a schedule of your week. 

One that is done together as best as you can for your child with special needs and also for your neurotypical children. Elizabeth likes visual things so this type of schedule that is right on the table and can be referenced as needed is very important to her and her days.

On the schedule we write down any and all things we are thinking of doing.  We write down times and who will be going.  We also use a chalkboard to write down what we will be doing for meals on those busy days so that if we plan for a meal, we try to stick with it. Or if we are ordering out she can prepare for you it.

The point is that having a plan for the week helps keep the anxiety down.  It takes away some of the”what-ifs” and gives her time to plan for and adjust to this time off.   Because we all know that changes and transitions can be challenging to our special children.

TALK

Elizabeth and I do this all the time. We talk about her feelings, anxiety, excitement and more.  We work hard to make time to do this because allowing her to talk helps her feel better when stressed or overwhelmed.  It allows her to hear me as I tell her about our plans and other things.

For us, I cannot over emphasize the importance of these “chat times”   So if you can, make time to talk during the time off.  Kind of check in with them so that if they are struggling a bit, you can help them or make changes that make the time off enjoyable for everyone.

SAY NO

And don’t look back! And don’t feel bad!

No, not to everyone!  But do not be afraid to decline an event or outing if your child needs the break or looks overwhelmed.   I have said it before and will again, more is not always better.    Being honest with those who are in your life and gently declining something is really okay.   Maybe go to a plan B, where other members of your family do something and your special needs child gets to sit it out.

Whatever way it works, acknowledging the need to decline is okay.  Not always easy, but okay.

So since we are just entering the holiday month, now is a good time to maybe try some of these things to help get a jump on the holiday break.

I wish everyone a peaceful week,

Michele Gianetti author of Elizabeth Believes In Herself

How many times are we asked this?

How many times do WE ask this?

The answer is a lot, a whole lot.

And the truth is the holidays are something that, for those of us who have special needs in our lives, are not always easily prepared for. We can’t count on how our beautiful children/young adults will feel or act as the holidays come closer. And then after all the build up, the actual day might be THE thing that pushes them to the limit of their coping and then we can see the overload.

I know in our world, historically speaking, Elizabeth would talk about the holiday, that it was coming, how excited she was all in the lead up to the day. And then the day would arrive and she was done. Overwhelmed, tired, and disorganized.

So over the years we have learned how to help Elizabeth deal better with the lead up to the day. How to help her stay organized and less overwhelmed. And the thing is, sometimes it is just how SHE feels about the changes the holidays bring that create the sense of being overwhelmed and not actually any real pressure. So it is a challenge to address this issue well.

So how about I share some tips to help you help your child/young adult prepare for the holidays.

-Plan But Don’t Overplan: There is a sweet spot to this. Doing something spontaneously means they don’t have time to plan for the event but overscheduling means they may become overloaded. Everyone knows what your child/young adult wants and likes to do and what makes them nervous. I like to encourage Elizabeth to try new things but then we usually allow a break in the action and some down time to help her regroup. We have learned the importance of balance.

–Say No to Some Things and Don’t Look Back: Honestly, it could be a chocolate fountain ten feet high and if it was after a big event or if it was just too much for Elizabeth, I would decline the invitation. And I would not think twice because we are doing the best for Elizabeth. And that is what matters. Now would I make sure other family members could go if they wanted to, yes, of course.

-Talk through What to Expect: Yes, Elizabeth there will be lots of people over, Yes, There will be salad for you to eat. I offer to really try to communicate with your child/young adult, just what is happening. The who, what, where, when and why…. So that they are prepared and not surprised. AND so that you can create your plan B if needed.

Be Okay if You Have to Use Your Plan B– Don’t feel bad if, even with all your best laid plans, the day gets stressful and your child is looking the part. Try to remember that if we would all raise our hands and say yes if asked “Are you feeling stressed?” So just do what you need to do and don’t let it make your heart hurt.

I hope that we can all see the holidays as less stressful, even though we are all probably feeling that little bit of emotional ramp up right now. Something that helps me, when I see her struggle with the holidays and just WISH it could be easy for her, is to think about the good things she has done or accomplished this year. And NOT this small moment in time.

I wish everyone a peaceful week,

Michele Gianetti, author of Eizabeth Believes in Herself