As a young girl I wrote to you with requests for toys, games and of course, surprises!  I also want you to know I NEVER forgot to leave cookies for you and carrots for Rudolph.  Those times, even though they had their struggles (I did have brothers after all), were full of the hope and joy for the future. Time has passed, hasn’t it Santa?

And now we are in the future that we once saw so far away.

I write now as an adult, and a mom.  My joy and hope for the future, once felt as a young girl, came true in my children and husband.  I am blessed Santa.  So much more than I even thought possible. I have three amazing children, who are loved more than words can say.   

I say this all because, as we all look back over our shoulders to see where we were last Christmas, we can all see the many changes our lives have taken.  We can see how our world has changed, the positives and the negatives. This pandemic has not let up but has brought us gifts as well.

The struggles and the time when things were going just as we wanted them to go.  Santa, life does not stay the same and we all change and grow.

I can say our year had many wonderful memories of time spent together, laughter, tears, hugs and love as well as some tough situations, decisions and many emotions. But through it all, Santa, we grew and learned more about ourselves.

Our beautiful Elizabeth grew this year, she tried new things this year.  Some of them she loved and some not quite so much.  But the thing is, she tried them! And for her and us, that is a really big thing.  Elizabeth is constantly growing and learning and loving life.

She has this gift, Santa, of being able to enjoy wherever she is, to have fun and to see the good in all people.  She is one of those people who seem to simply step over the dramas of life that others find themselves deeply in. It would sure be wonderful if we all could have this perspective in our days.  Just think of how much calmer our hearts would be if this were true.

Santa, when you have a special child like Elizabeth, you pray the hearts of others will be kind.  So that their actions or words that follow will be kind as well.  I would love to ask that if in some way this could be the case, I know that myself and the other moms and dads of these special children could feel so much more at ease if this were true.  It is hard sometimes, Santa, to go into the world with this beautiful child and hope that others will see past their disorders, their stumbling speech or their unique ways to see and enjoy the beautiful child that is right there. 

Our world today is so fast moving, Santa, with things being done in one second that used to take hours.  Things are due yesterday and computers keep getting faster.  But one thing that scares me about that is that Elizabeth and other children who share her disorder function best in at a slower, calmer pace.  I ask myself how she will keep up in this world?  How will we get the world to slow down enough for her to be part of it all?

I would ask that somehow, someway, there will be a special friend, mentor, or leader, who would reach out their hand to her and other special children to kind of help them when they need that support or when the world is just a bit too much for them. 

I would ask for these special people for each special child.  Someone to be their genuine friend.

So many things go on in my mind about Elizabeth, Santa, sometimes the thoughts keep me awake, sometimes they make me cry but I pray a lot, everyday in fact, and I know that God is with us all. In the good times, the tough times and the times when we simply need to hold onto the fact that he works all things for our good.  But sometimes, Santa, I just would love to peek into the future, if I was allowed, to just know that she will be okay.  I know this is quite the request and probably the same request that all moms of special needs children feel…actually probably all moms regardless.  But it would be my special request anyway.  To know that she will be happy, safe and still be loving life at any age.

Santa, know that my special child has taught us and continues to teach us, each and everyday so very much about life and love and joy and appreciation of all the little things in life.  She is a gift, Santa.  One I never anticipated having and one I would not exchange.  She is simply love.

Well, I guess I better go now Santa.  You have so much to do and I thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts.  There is joy Santa, in the midst of everything. 

Merry Christmas to you…see you next year.

Your old friend,

I am writing this after Thanksgiving has taken place this year.

And with full disclosure, we have not put up our Christmas tree yet, so the stress for Elizabeth was lessened by this.

But I will say that at this moment, Elizabeth has had a really, really good holiday. And by that, I mean her stress and anxiety were nicely low for the long weekend.

We went to a family member’s house for the holiday and typically this creates a stress in Elizabeth that, in my opinion, has no real reason other than it is an emotion that she continues to associate with gathering at this house from earlier times.

I know with Elizabeth’s special needs, many things can create anxiety for her. Her SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder) and Global Dyspraxia are the two disorders that affect her life each and everyday and create this anxiety for her.

So this anxiety for our relative’s house is directly related to her SPD and the fact that they hold onto any associations made with events, places, experiences etc. We have always been taught to “end it on a good note” with Elizabeth.

Apparently somewhere in the past, we did not do this for this particular situation.

And every time the plans are to go here, Elizabeth has a certain bunch of things she says that indicates anxiety.

And this time was no different.

She started the sentences early last week, how long are we staying, what will I eat, when will we leave…… and so we talked about the day and plan.

Multiple times

And then I remembered something important!!

I remembered something that I had read in an article, a LONG time ago and due to COVID, I haven’t had the chance to use it often but it is the way to prepare your child with special needs for a gathering. Be it a party at their home, a gathering elsewhere or guests staying at your house.

Well, I used the suggestions and guidance of this article and talked through with Elizabeth the expectations that we have for her for the time with our relatives on Thanksgiving.

Such as this is the outline of the day.

Here is what is expected of/from you.

List of expectations: Example: Sitting for the full meal, sitting for dessert, when you can excuse yourself for a break etc.

List of things that she can do when it is her break time.

When she is expected to return to the gathering or table.

REPEAT

Well, it was just what we needed.

She did great.

No more sentences- as she had her plan.

No more worrying- she knew when her break was.

No more asking questions- she was in charge of what was expected of her.

It was quite nice to see that she felt accomplished as we headed home.

We did this again when we had a rather impromptu “friendsgiving”

And it worked so well again.

I think the reason I call this the First holiday in my title is that sometimes for me, Thanksgiving is like a test drive to see just where there has been growth in social areas or it gives the opportunity to see where more supports are needed and in what areas.

Then you can work on some things in this time between the holidays and see if there are any positive changes that you can build on.

For me, each year that passes and each holiday gets compared to the previous one in my head…related to Elizabeth. Maybe not a great or healthy thing to do but it is what happens. I guess I am wired to do this and then decided what we need to do differently, the same or better in this or that area.

I know our children, like us, are a work in progress but to continue the progress, for me, requires a true and honest look at things. Then you can go from there.

So for us this year. The FIRST Thanksgiving family gathering back from COVID was one marked by a confident Elizabeth and one who had less anxiety. So that is a win!

And I will take it.

I hope that yours was a good one.

And I wish everyone a peaceful week.

Michele Gianetti author of Elizabeth Believes in Herself.