In a recent blog, I had just written about self care and the absolute need to incorporate this into you life.

So, following my own advice, I met up with a friend for coffee. Because remember: Self care doesn’t have to be big.

She and I both share the common ground of raising a young adult with special needs but for her it is a bit more in that she is raising 2 young adults with special needs.

As we were talking about everything and nothing. I told her that Elizabeth was back at work today after her month long hiatus from her Gymster’s work.

I told her that it happens each year and that while it is nice for Elizabeth to have a break. It is equally challenging for her open ended time and then the adjustment to starting back up again is a bit of work as well.

My friend told me that the thing she dreads is the “waiting for the other shoe to drop” meaning that for the time being both of her boys are doing well. Things are okay. But for how long?

We both know that okay now does not indeed mean okay for the long term. or even to the middle of the morning, really.

So as we talked about “the waiting for the shoe to drop”, I told her just how hard it is for me to send Elizabeth into the world…the Letting Go.

I mean it is the goal of all we do to have her live a full life to the best of her ability. To enjoy her work, friends and interests.

But as we send her into the world, we pray that she is safe. That if something happens she will know what to do and then DO IT! Dyspraxia can really make the doing really hard.

I told my friend that having her off and home is challenging for her because she loves to work and for me it is hard because she is sort of just waiting for work to start and then the going is hard for me because the world is not a kind place right now.

So I told my friend there is anxiety for me in both scenarios and that means I am always on guard.

Just like my friend who is waiting for the other shoe to drop….always on guard

It is this on guard feeling that I know we all probably feel but don’t maybe really talk about. I think unless you are on the special needs journey, there is no real way to know the depth of the feelings we carry each day, everyday, all day.

I know that we have equipped Elizabeth as best as we can for being in the world and being safe. So, my work is to trust.

But as she exits my car each day, my prayers go with her.

It is not easy, this journey with our special children. I share these feelings today because sometimes just knowing you are not alone in your feelings help. I can’t tell you or me the answers as we are all on this journey that continues each day but maybe this will help someone today.

Talking it through with my friend helped and I know as my friend shared her feelings she too felt better.

It is again, the self-care that helps us regroup.

I wish everyone a peaceful week.

Michele Gianetti author of Elizabeth Believes in Herself.

For most of us, it hasn’t been that long since the new school year started. Usually enough time to get a feeling for how the school year is going to go. From schedules to homework to after school activities and sports if that pertains.

For our children who have special needs, this month helps us guage all that and more. Especially how our children are handling their new classes and the challenges associated with their individual challenges. And don’t forget, how the school is following the new IEP ( or not, in many cases).

Many of you know that Elizabeth, my daughter, has special needs. She has SPD ( Sensory Processing Disorder) and Global Dyspraxia. Both affect her life everyday. All day everyday really. Including her language as she didn’t talk until she was 5 years old.

And the one big thing I learned waaaaaaay early on was the importance of communication to the best of Elizabeth’s ability at any given time.

Asking her questions and opinions and including her in decisions as best as both she and we can. Be them via visual tools or verbal.

So with that all in mind,

Here are 4 easy tips to use during this school year:

1. COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR CHILD ABOUT GOALS FOR THE YEAR

I say this one because I know what MY goals and hopes are for Elizabeth, but I shared in a blog prior, that they were NOT her goals now. Truly, at the age she is she SHOULD have a say in her goals, but in truth, all typical children have a say in their plans or choices ( some have bigger says than others). From the sport they like, to the after school activities so if neurotypical children can have this say, then it serves to logic that our special needs children should get to have the same…to their best ability. It was truly eye opening to hear Elizabeth’s goals and I was grateful to know them and try to help her meet them.

2. HELP THEM PLAN A WORK SPACE

Face it, trying to learn with the blender going, a sibling talking and the T.V. on can be super challenging for some and for other silence is the enemy. It really is all about the child and their needs and ways of learning. So plan out a place that fits their needs best and designate it as their schoolwork spot. So maybe take a peek at available spaces that may work and go from there. I know Elizabeth wants to be alone and in a quiet room with me when we work but changes the room depending on her mood.

3. HELP THEM PLAN THEIR SCHOOL DAY

My beautiful typical developing son, Michael showed me just how well a greatly motivated student can pull of a quick study session RIGHT before a quiz. or how a nap might sound better than studying, which will then be moved to a not so ideal time. So there’s that option but that one leads to a crammed in day, hurried work and less processing of information. So a few, nice conversations later, Michael was part of planning a schedule for work that allowed time for all things.

It helps our children to have a schedule of their days and work to help them prioritize, plan and process their work. And for those with special needs, it helps them plan for the work and transition between challenges.. I know Elizabeth WANTS to know what work she will be doing each day. Even if your child is home with you, a plan helps everyone stay organized and shows where there is time to put in a walk, some fun thing or simple downtime

4.PLAN A TIME TO CHECK IN WITH THEM

Sure they could literally be at your kitchen table all day. Or home from school for hours. But checking in with them means checking in on emotions, how they are coping, their anxiety or concerns. Just because your child, special needs or typical “look” ok doesn’t mean they don’t have something to share or talk about.

Making time to check in is, in my opinion, critical. Michael and I call it “hanging out for a while” and Elizabeth calls it “chat time” Whatever its term, it is really important.

Time for school is upon us in some form…so a bit of planning can help instill a bit of peace and allows you to catch issues early and deal with them well.

I wish everyone a peaceful week.

Michele Gianetti author of Elizabeth Believes in Herself.