It is just a notebook, spiral bound to be exact.

But in it you will find my memories of my life with my children and husband.

I keep one for every child…since the day they were born.

It all depends on which notebook you grab as to where you will join in on our lives.

What I mean is, there are at least three that I have for each child.  The first one for each begins with “ I cannot believe that she is here!” Or the case of Michael insert the pronoun “he”.   And the notebooks go on from there.  I have the first words said, first steps, first haircuts, well you get the idea.  But the bottom line is that in each book are memories.


-We all want to make them good ones.  

-We all want to remember those great ones.

-We want to share them with others.

I chose to keep mine in these notebooks.  Every so often I will reread certain parts because unlike a scrapbook, mine is like a journal.  So it tells a story.

Reading Emily’s is fun because she was the first born and we were literally clueless as to what to expect.  And it is fun to read how we found our way.

Reading Michael’s is fun because he is the last child and a boy.  And I say this because so many of the journals involve him crushing lego buildings or smashing crayons instead of coloring quietly like his sisters used to do.  

But reading Elizabeth’s takes me on a walk down memory lane that can be a bit tough.  Looking back to where we started can still scare me.  Putting the current me into my old self, and I find I am scared.  Scared of not knowing what she has, how to help her or even how to get through the day.  But reading further and I start to see the successes come.

The words begin to be said and she is beginning to show the world who she is.

After I am done, I usually take a good look at where we are and give thanks.

I take another minute to really think of all she has accomplished.

Some people I know are afraid to look back at their memories.  They tell me it is too emotional, “it is too much for me to think about those things”.  I tell them that I do understand their feelings, but that for me and those who have a special needs child, sometimes looking back helps you realize just how far you have come.

…Sometimes looking back lets you see just how much farther back those hard times have become.

-Michele Gianetti