Archives for posts with tag: Family

As I write this blog today, it is our typical Friday afternoon.  The great feeling that the weekend is upon us, the traditional pizza dinner (eaten in the den) and the chance to unwind from what was a busy school week for us all.  

Relaxation takes on many different forms depending on the person who is doing it.

Michael relaxes by bouncing a basketball and chatting away, about his day, Elizabeth on the other hand, relaxes by watching some television.  By herself.  Laying on the floor. Never on a chair, never on the couch.  It is what feels right to her.

We all have our own like and dislikes when it comes to listening to what our bodies and minds need through the course of each day.  And most of the time we can adjust from what we want to do to what we have to do, pretty much without missing a beat.

Example:  We may want to remove ourselves from a long, tedious lecture, but what we do is move to a new position to get comfortable, tell ourselves “only 15 more minutes”  and watch the clock.   (We may complain in our head about things or mumble a bit) but for the most part, we can manage to get through the lecture and our day.

But for those whose neurological system has trouble regulating itself…those times when we can manage by doing things like I mentioned, are the very times they cannot do it alone.  They need help to get their system to cope with and adjust to the environment around them.

Those on the Autism spectrum have sensory needs.  Those who have Sensory Processing Disorder have sensory needs.  Truth be told, we all have some sensory issues (I throw out the topic of itchy tags…anyone else guilty of ripping them out themselves?) but it is the degree to which they affect one’s day and life that makes the difference.  

There is something called a Sensory Diet, a phrase coined by OT Patricia Wilbarger.  It is a carefully designed, personalized activity plan that provides the sensory input a person needs to stay focused and organized throughout the day.

What this means is that certain sensory inputs are offered to the person in need throughout their day to help them.  Be it sounds, lights, texture and more.

Our brain receives sensory input from our five senses:  Seeing, Hearing, Smelling, Tasting, Tactile or Touch. These very senses, whose input can overwhelm a certain person’s system when they are too much,  can actually be used to calm another person who has different sensory needs.

And this is where the wonderful, unique and so amazing thing called a Sensory Diet comes into play.

Some people need less noise,  others need  to hear music or calming sounds, or even to block out sounds with something like earBanz to stay organized.

Some people need lighting that is calm, like when teachers use Fluorescent Light Filters to take away lighting that is too bright.

Some people shy away from being touched and others crave touch and pressure so weighted blankets can provide the input they are looking for.  As can weighted lap pads.

Fidget toys, such as chewy necklaces, chewelry or chewy tubes, can offer sensory input to those who need to move or fidget and even for those who have a sensory need to chew. 

So many things can be used to help a person who has sensory needs, it is all about finding the right item, in the right amount at the right time.  And this is where the OT or occupational therapist comes in.   

To get a sensory diet tailor made for your child will help beyond measure.  In my opinion, it is one of the most important things.  

The OT can help make this diet. And they can decide if your child needs brushing  which is officially called the Wilbarger method.  Please read about this wonderful protocol when you can.  But those brushes called Wilbarger brushes are the things that I feel helped Elizabeth the most in her earliest years.

A sensory diet is unlike any diet that one hears about on an infomercial.  It is not one that will trim a waistline or help with cholesterol.  For those who have sensory needs, it is downright life changing.    Please search our  website to see the amazing selection of sensory items, read how they are used and please ask questions to those who work with your child or please ask questions here on this blog site.  

I can share what we did, you can share your experiences and we can help those who just started learning about their child’s needs.

I wish you a peaceful week.

Fantastic Traits of a Strong Special Needs Dad

“I will take her for a walk, Mich.”   

Those are the words John said during an especially tough Thanksgiving dinner about 9 years ago.  Michael was still a baby, it was his first Thanksgiving actually.  He was NEVER a fussy little guy, but on that day he was.  I think due in part to a change in his schedule, but whatever the cause, he was not a happy little man.  Elizabeth was struggling to sit and eat at the table.  She did not like the food, and what I brought for her did not work either.  She was not talking very clearly that day or using more that a couple of words per sentence, so it was hard to figure out exactly what was wrong.  So between the usually happy baby who was not, and our beautiful Elizabeth in the throes of some serious sensory issues, I was about a minute away from joining Michael in crying….then came John’s words.

And he did, on a brisk November day (Ohio weather), he did.

While he was gone, we were able to get Michael to stop crying.

When they returned, calm had returned

To the house.

To the table.

To me.

My Support and My love had helped me so very much that day.

The day kind of sticks out in my memory as a big one. We all know holiday gatherings can be stressful for the best of us, let alone what it can do to the normal rhythms and routines of those with special needs.

That day was an example, but there have been  an infinite amount of other times, when John read the situation and knew how to help support me, as we helped Elizabeth.
Our teamwork was pretty clear from the start.

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John loved being a Dad from the start. I was happier than anything to be home with our children.  I loved every minute but was so happy when John came home.  He would be tired from work, but fresh for the kids.  He immediately lit up to see us, and he started playing.  Chasing, hugging, laughing, loving and “being there” That was and still is how he works.

Being the Dad of a child with special needs is not easy, at least from my point of view. There is a huge learning curve, in my opinion. Learning how to have that certain spark of life – a connection, with those with special needs.

I think it was really hard on John.  He would come home, reach out to hug Emily and Elizabeth, and only Emily could hug him. Or he would home on the weekend and he wanted to play with “his girls” and Elizabeth would hide behind a chair because it was too much for her.  

In the early years with Elizabeth, there was not a guarantee as to what John would be walking into at the end of the day.  There was no guarantee that I would not be beside myself by the time John came home, or that Elizabeth would not be in the middle of a meltdown.   

Then there were  all the hours we spent talking about Elizabeth and her days, her therapies, her successes.

And all the hours he talked to me about me.  About how I was handling things.  

And the hours we had talked when our opinions differed greatly about the next step for Elizabeth.  Like  why I was sure that this therapy would be a good one, or why I just knew she needed to go to this camp.  

And all the hours of hugs and support he gave as I would cry because this was the time I was sure she would talk and she didn’t.   

John was and is all those things to this day.

But for Elizabeth

-He was the one to offer her calm.  I pushed her each day, John allowed her to be.

-He offered her a quiet space.  I took her to busy therapies and schools, John took her to the swings.

-John made her laugh.  I loved he made her forget her tears that day.’

– He saw the fun child and enjoyed her.

-And he loved her, each and everyday. Elizabeth knew it then and she knows it now.

If anybody were to ask me what I felt was the biggest gift from a special needs Dad, I would have to say the last one.  

We all need to feel love and acceptance.  It is just human nature.  But to give that gift to a child who is working so hard for the simplest things is precious and priceless.

So to those Dads who get up and hug their children, know the gift you are giving              

And for those who hug their child, who cannot hug them back, know the gift you are giving is received and treasured even more.