Something we have taught Elizabeth, quite early on in her life, is the importance of knowing her feelings and emotions.  Being able to identify what she is feeling has helped us help her on her journey of life because emotions and feelings are complex things and learning to talk about them is complex as well.

This goes for all people and more so  for those with special needs, like my daughter.  Her disorders are sensory processing disorder (SPD) and global dyspraxia.

So with all that being said, last night was a night that she and I had one of our chat times because  I could see how much she appeared bothered by a certain topic.  Each and every time this topic arose, she would get angry and or look nervous.

We needed to talk and talk we did. We had a pretty good conversation and a pretty good understanding from her of what she was feeling, which led to a pretty good understanding for me.  All in all a success.

Ah!  The world of feelings!

So as I was getting up to leave her room, I turned to look at her and she was smiling at me, with those huge blue eyes looking beautiful and bright.

Those same blue eyes I used to look at when she was a year old and screaming or when she was two and still screaming and when she was three, new to therapy, but calmer and so much less afraid of the world.  And on and on she grew and on and on those blue eyes shined bright.

I looked into those eyes then and knew!  I just knew she was in there.  It was my true feeling.  No matter who told me otherwise.  No matter who told me that we “simply had to do this or that.” No matter who told us:  “Don’t do that, hand her over to the experts or you will ruin her”   (This was truly said to me by a member of our school system years ago)

But no matter what was said, my feelings when I  looked into those bright blue eyes has fueled me and my family on this journey.  Not a smooth journey and not a completed journey, but everyday so far on this journey!

One time, when she was 2 and a half years old, she pointed to the cookie jar, she wanted a cookie. she made a random sound, then cried when she could not be understood.  I can remember giving her the cookie, probably so that she would not cry more even though she probably had like 10 of them, but I can remember her eyes twinkling as I handed her the double digit cookie, kind of like Yep, I got another one from the mom of mine.  There was mischief in those eyes!

When we are at church, a mellow song will come on and I will see her eyes brimming with tears, so beautiful and expressive!

Yes, it is those eyes that gave me the feeling that strengthened me and made me want to do more for her!

I write this because we are all on our own journeys.They are all different, but share the same drive to help our children be the very best they can be.  What motivates, fuels, drives or strengthens you will probably be different from the next special needs parent or caregiver but whatever it is,  it is yours and please don’t let it go.

Listen to it.

Hold on to it.

Use it when times are tough or the journey is uphill.

Or when others tell you “you can not”.

Hold on to it because it is yours and no one else is on the exact journey as you.

I know I am thankful for those bright blues eyes, because I got my strength from the feeling they brought to me and I do not plan on ever letting that feeling go.

I wish everyone a peaceful week.

Michele Gianetti author of “I Believe In You: A Mother and Daughter’s Special Journey” and “Emily’s Sister”