Archives for posts with tag: Autistic

Good afternoon! Today we wanted to share a poem by Erma Bombeck, posted by Diane on her blog 5 Little Monkeys. To all the special mothers out there, you have all our support!!!

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The Special Mother 

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice,

a few by social pressure and a couple by habit.

This year nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children.

Did you ever wonder how these mothers are chosen?

Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth

Selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation.

As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.

“Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew.”

“Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia.”

“Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint…give her Gerard. He’s used to profanity.”

Finally he passes a name to an angel and smiles. “Give her a handicapped child.”

The angel is curious. “Why this one, God? She’s so happy.”

“Exactly,” smiles God. “Could I give a handicapped child a mother who knows no laughter?

That would be cruel.”

“But does she have the patience?” asks the angel.

“I don’t want her to have too much patience, or she’ll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair.

Once the shock and resentment wear off she’ll handle it.”

“I watched her today.

She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother.

You see, the child I’m going to give her has a world of it’s own.

She has to make it live in her world, and that’s not going to be easy.”

“But Lord, I don’t think she even believes in you.”

God smiles. “No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness.”

The angel gasps, “Selfishness? Is that a virtue?”

God nods. “If she can’t separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive.

Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect.

She doesn’t know it yet, but she is to be envied.

She will never take for granted a spoken word.

She will never consider a step ordinary.

When her child says momma for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it.

I will permit her to see clearly the things I see–ignorance, cruelty,

prejudice–and allow her to rise above them.

She will never be alone.

I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life

Because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.”

“And what about her Patron Saint?” asks the angel, his pen poised in the air. God smiles.

“A mirror will suffice.”

Happy New Year! Here are some positive thoughts to start the year right by Elise Ronan from Raising Asperger’s Kids. Elise is the mother of two children with asperger’s syndrome. She just started a parent coaching business in conjunction with her blog and we wish her good luck!

2015

“Kindness or shall we say empathy is a rather misunderstood emotion in those on the autism spectrum. There are recent studies that theorize that it’s not that autistics lack empathy or kindness, its just that they are so overwhelmed by their empathetic emotions that they need to turn it off or be consumed. So the issue then surrounding autistics is not that they don’t empathize, but that in fact empathize too much. Autistics unlike their neurotypical peers have no filter on how to protect their own emotions and their own well-being when dealing with the vagaries and cruelties of life. I know I have seen it first hand with both of my boys.

It is never that the boys don’t care. It is, without a doubt, that when they hear of a cruelty or an unkindness it takes over their souls. It is not an obsession. It is not a perseveration. It is a feeling of being lost and not understanding that they cannot solve the world’s issues on their own. They don’t seem to grasp at times that they can only do so much as an individual person. They feel that they in fact have failed.

So that is our mission with them. Not to teach them to be empathetic but to understand their limitations as human beings. To know that you can give charity, help at a food bank and feed people at a soup kitchen, but that in the end there will still be those who go to bed hungry at night, and that you as a human being did not fail. We can do so much as one person. They need to understand that our limitations makes our efforts no less important, not less heart-felt, not less perfect,  not less in the moment helpful and appreciated.

It is times like this that I try, despite CM1′ s rejection of religion, to bring up what the Talmud says about kindness, empathy and charity:

To save a single life is to have saved an entire world. 

The Rabbis knew that human beings are just that, human beings. We can do just so much in our lives. It is the effort too that counts. A single kindness, even holding open a door for the person behind you, makes this a better world. A smile, a thank you and a helping hand, to the person right in front of you says more about your life than anything else.

Meanwhile here are some past posts about the boys, empathy, kindness and charity. The entire psychology professionals who think they understand who aspergeans or autistics happen to be, who decry that those on the spectrum have any thought of others, simply need to get out a lot more and meet some of those in the autism community face to face. But that means they the so-called “Autistic Experts” would need to have empathy, understand kindness and respect people’s differences, so I am not holding my breath.”

Elise Ronan

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